30 min naps and i think im gunna die!!

as if getting up with my little angle two to three times a night isn't bad enough he has some internal clock that is set for 30 min.... thats it 30 i cant for the life of me get him to nap longer ... sometimes even when i hold him he still is only asleep for that long... and the process of getting him asleep is such a challenge... i often wonder if i was this difficult.. i thought babies are supposed to sleep a lot .. and at 5 months they are supposed to be getting an average of 15 hrs of sleep a day..... we're not even close!! im so exhausted... its not that i want to nap all the time but for crying in the night.... i didnt know i was gunna have such a little busy body... he can be completely asleep have his eyes closed and still be yelling at me for putting him to sleep. and i dont have the heart or tough enough skin yet to let him just cry it out!! ahhh! this can be so complicated! i remember when he was first born and lorenzo and i would often times want to wake him up to play with him... how i wish i could turn back time a little bit... cant help but feel like im doing something wrong and thats why hes not getting the rest we BOTH need him too.. i honestly think im gunna pull out my hair.. is it ok if i give him a sleeping aid.... like Tylenol pm.... well this is a little more drastic maybe i should go straight to the ambien!!! im just waiting for the day when lorenzo comes home and im curled up in the fetal position hiding in my closet rocking back and forth while hugging my legs and humming to myself.. i truly night go mad!!




pray for me!